I have a ton of articles I plan to add to catch up what has happened over the last 10 months, but I just need to take a second to vent. The last few weeks I've been saying the STBX is up to something. He was being too nice. Playing on my emotions. And yet I got sucked in. He's working to be better. We can co-parent in a healthy manner. Maybe we do have a chance to be friends.
But no. There's a reason why I have his name in my phones as "Business Transaction (BT)". If I don't think of this situation as a business, I get suckered. It's why I didn't listen to my attorney and only offer 10% equity in what we had - but 35% and I took nothing from the equity in the truck. Why he got paid $20k to go and I'm digging out. I helped secure his apartment because instead of saving while he refused to move out he was spending on new women and a lifestyle that he couldn't sustain. He is such a gas-lighter, and so good at lying straight to mine (and anyone else he needs to) face that even knowing this, I find myself believing him and then questioning my sanity.
So, the current lies.
LIE: Breaking his lease to move in with this guy and his wife from work who has an apartment in the downstairs of his new house. Only catch is the daughter is allergic to cats so they're trying to figure it out.
TRUTH: Breaking his lease to move in with the girlfriend he's been seeing since late March. Her daughter is allergic and the cats are probably going to the shelter.
LIE: Same couple wants to assume our boat payment but can't get a loan because they just bought a house.
TRUTH: He wanted to assume the payments and move the boat to his girlfriend's lake.
I know these probably seem silly - where he lives is no concern for me except that it is safe for my boys to visit. The boat - that loan is co-signed by me, so there is more reason to be frustrated.
So what to do? I sat in wait for awhile. Knowing something was up, and just needing to be patient. And it came out. I wouldn't let him let his "friend" assume the boat payment without legal documentation and a timeline. Suddenly he was taking over the payments. Or so he said until I told him it needed to be a discussion, not something he tells me. Now he is refinancing it into his name. I'm giving up the equity to get off of one more thing with him - only requiring he pay the taxes on it for this year. Write off another $10k in equity.
Patience is HARD in these situations. It's HARDER to not react. It is something I am working on, but I still see red, a lot, when it happens. I don't understand the disrespect. I told him that yet again as well. I asked him why he has to keep lying when it doesn't matter. He told me, "Don't be mean." My brother told me from day 1 that BT would eventually turn the story around to place all the blame on me. Unfortunately this is true. The first video date I suffered thru watching him take on my porch early on, and then subsequently repeated to the women he met (a handful reached out to me when they found me on FB) was that I was the cheater, for a couple years prior, that I wanted more than his lowly profession. Scary thing is, I think he has mutual friends believing it. But I have my village to remind me karma will show up eventually and that I need to be the bigger person, so here I am stopping from saying too much more. For now. :)
Comments