Just when I think I am plugging along with 4 fully inflated tires, POP! I have worked so hard to move forward and heal. It REALLY angers me when something takes me backwards.
This week I was having a GREAT visit with my younger son. Hadn't seen him in a month. We were talking about all the things and it comes out that his grandma and uncle, 2 of the less than 10 people I lost in the divorce will be traveling to my older son's swim meet. Why is this hard? My ex-MIL was my mom for nearly 25 years. My best friend. When she called and I told her what happened she said she'd always be my mom and within a week blocked all contact from me, never telling me. That's all she wrote. I figured out I was blocked and called to try to find out what was going on and have never spoken again. I dropped letters off. Returned family jewelry. Had to volunteer to leave the beginning of my son's graduation party that I was throwing and paying for in order for her to attend. (And instead of leaving when I got back, she stayed, so why did I leave?)
That party was almost 2 years ago. I've not seen her. Haven't spoken longer. But now my stomach is in knots.
I think my issue is facing who was my family. Facing that old dream of what my life would look like. We were supposed to be going to these events together. Now, "my" family will be there together with my ex, his new wife and the in laws. I'll be there solo. Again. My guy will be working. I have my mom friends. My son's teammates will also be great to me. My swim family is AMAZING. But I will be half a family and sharing my half.
The most important advice I received about divorce is that the grieving is not cylindrical. You never know how it will ebb and flow. So I am giving myself grace. Understanding. Self-love.
I know I had to leave. I know I didn't get what I deserved. And I know this situation and their behavior isn't about me, but them. They thought I'd never leave. And when I did because he did the unthinkable, they showed their true colors.
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