One of the first things I did was schedule an online therapy appointment. I have had A LOT of therapy over the years. My father was mentally unwell and abusive verbally and emotionally. My family situation difficult. My ex had been gaslighting me for years and I had identified that a few months earlier, which I can say out loud now. I knew my heart, and while my brain knew one thing, I knew I needed to have someone outside of the situation for validation and support. Lord, I had no idea how much I would need and still need Dr. A.
Therapy often has a negative stereotype - but having a professional to talk thru your troubles, help prepare you for what's ahead, and guide you towards peace is so valuable. While there are tons of self-help books, I've read plenty and will continue to add them here - having a person to discuss it with it amazing.
My first call was spent crying and pouring my fears and hurt out. I needed to protect my kids - I was terrified of messing them up, or my relationship with them. I needed to stop crying and feeling like the world was upside down. I needed to figure out what I did, why I wasn't good enough and how who I thought was the love of my life, my best friend, and my future could do this to me. She outlined what my next few months could look like. Reminded me that grief is not a straight line. Or a circle. But ups and downs and backwards to go forward.
"...grief is not a straight line. Or a circle. But ups and downs and backwards to go forward."
I scheduled to meet weekly at first, and spread it out slowly. Of great importance, Dr. A did a regular depression screening. I personally found it fascinating as I progressed to see the test improve. She started me on journaling - my homework was very beneficial.
One of the biggest take aways was when Dr. A stopped my blabbering when I said, "I want to leave my marriage the way lived it. With grace, a full heart, and all the work it takes." She had me repeat it, and I had no idea what I just said. But she reminded me, and then pointed out that I found my motto. I have many times come back to this motto, when people were questioning when I didn't throw him out, or gave him more equity than my attorney advised. I needed to figure out who I was without him, no longer a wife, as well as knowing my mom duties were to be changing quickly as well, but the one thing I knew I didn't want to let the whole situation do, was change WHO I am at my CORE. Kind, loving, responsible, strong, honest and true.
Bình luận