Two years. 28 months. Still struggle with resentment. Our divorce finalized 16 months ago. He was already living with his then girlfriend, now wife. She proposed 6 months after the divorce and they eloped 4 months later, not telling anyone until 4 months later. I've been dating someone for a month or so longer than they've been together. I'm happy. I don't have the commitment they made, but I don't think that is my issue. I don't think I'm ready for that "all-in" commitment. I don't trust myself.
I've been thinking about why HE still bothers me. I think it is because he moved on so easily. That he chose not to honor our life. Now I'm reminding myself that if he honored our 20+ years together he wouldn't have cheated. He wouldn't have moved on the week after I found out. He wouldn't lie about what happened. Of course he can move on, he is the one who did the betraying. He is the one who lives in a false state of reality. Even though I KNOW this ending was best for me, it still hurts. And that is OK.
I have to decide this year to focus on and treasure the food times. The good parts of us. The good parts of him. There's a reason I stayed, more than being a fool. So instead of focusing that he is a sneaky liar, I am choosing to connect on is good parts and then the fact that I am no longer stuck in and with his lies. With the bad parts.
In summary, no one can make what happened better. He went outside of my marriage. He lied. He disrespected us. I can focus on the positive - I am open for someone so much better, even if that ends up being just me.
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